Day 59. Old Spice

One of the hardest things about life after loss is going to the store. That sounds ridiculous, but it’s so true. There are so many reasons.

First, there are all the people. Ugh. You just don’t know who you’ll run into or how they will act, what they will say. It’s emotionally exhausting.

And the people are harder because you don’t know how YOU will act. You don’t know when you’ll just break down in the chip aisle and cry for a good five minutes. That’s embarrassing. Nobody wants to be the crazy lady weeping in aisle seven.

Then, because ‘Merica, ya’ll, there are all the choices. When you’ve buried the love of your life, you’ve already made so many choices. Maybe you had to choose to stop doing CPR or to end life support. You had to choose who to call and what to say. You planned a memorial and chose songs and Bible verses and all kinds of other things for that. You chose what to wear and a casket and a cemetery plot. And all of those things have exhausted you. And so you go to the store and there is an entire row of body wash, just lined up on the shelves, waiting for you to choose one and you just can’t.

Then what happens when you don’t need that body wash anymore? When your dead husband was the only who used Old Spice? What do you do when you walk down that row and it smells like him? If you’re me, you buy a bottle and you smell it on the way home and you put in your shower and you smell it every time you’re in there, because it’s all you have that smells like him. 

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